Microsoft eyes Gateway?

drspinola@atlas.co.uk FOLLOWING HP's snap up of once-great Compaq, the rumour mill has moved into overdrive with all manner of weird and wonderful synergistic marriages of convenience being proposed.

Head of the list is speculation that Microsoft and Intel will gang up on poor little Gateway. The deal involves a generous payment well in excess of Gateway's actual share value - one copy of Windows XP Home Edition, a 500MHz Celeron processor and a cheese sandwich.

The deal will see the formation of the Microsoft - Intel - Gateway group (MIG) in a move sure to incur the wrath of Lord Ellison of Barking, proud owner of a MIG29 fighter.

Other takeovers in the pipeline include the Taleban merging with the Khmer Rouge to form a new force in humanitarian aid; in Northern Ireland, the Reverend Ian Paisley is said to be buying a bus company to take Catholic children to school in safety; and perhaps the most surprising of all - The Inquirer is to buy struggling IT site, The Register.

No stock is expected to change hands in the deal as Inq supremo M. Mike Magee already owns most of the Reg's shares.

"I knew they were in trouble when a number of worried Reg staffers asked one of our writers how much he earned," said Magee. µ