Sun's Java gets on the bonehead train

OK, SUN JUST JUMPED on the bonehead train. Yes, they announced that Java 1.5.0 would not be Java 1.5.0 any longer, it is now the brilliantly named Java 5.0.

Now, I am not in any way trying to detract from the technology in the release. From what Alex Rupp was saying, it really is a great leap forward. Think somewhere between a kitten with big eyes and eternal world peace on the 'good things' scale. It was long in coming, and from what I hear, worth the wait.

Then the marketeers got a hold of it. I have given up hope that people this brilliant would be taken out back and shot en masse, but I can still dream about it every now and again. The sad part is that naming the new Java 5.0 instead of 1.5.0 is an exercise in stupidity, not branding.

Think about it, Java is not targeted at end users, it is targeted at developers. The average browser user does not give a damn what version of the JVM they are using. It will work, or it will not work. If it does not work, and the developers did their job, your browser will throw up a box saying 'click here you moron, and get the new version'. You click, wait five minutes, and all is happy. So far, they have done a good job of this.

The end user really does not, and should not care if it is Java 1.0, 1.5.0, 5.0, 12.3, .net, visual basic, or bash scripting. It works or it does not work. The people who should care are the coders, and if the organisation is big enough, people with a title that begins with C. Now, these geeks are the market for Java, and that is why the name change is SO INCREDIBLY STUPID.

Imagine you are at the planning meeting of a Fortune 500 or so company, and you are deciding on a platform to base your new enterprise portal, applications, and mobile infrastructure on. The choices are narrowed down to Java and .Net. Do you go over each platform in exacting detail, looking at costs, development ease, features, security, and in-house ability, or do you compare version numbers?

From the looks of it, Sun must think of corporate planning meetings as things that takes place in the backwaters of Arkansas in the corporate doublewide. Imagine the meeting, taking place between Cletus, the CTO, and Bubba, the lead programmer, complete with buzzing flies, beer-bellies, and Oshkosh overalls.

Bubba: Sheee-it there Cletus, what we is gonna du about the upcoming mo-byle workforce transition, we need sum-thin gud.
Cletus: Yep. (spits chaw at the racoon that wandered in) Git yawl varmint. Now, we need somthin' robust, scalable, powerful, easily integat.... intergr..that goes gud with whut we got.
Bubba: Yep.
Cletus: Heh, how we gonna pick wun?
Bubba: I'ze no, we compare version numbers, which wun is biggerest?

News flash for Sun product planners, it doesn't work like this. With large corporations continuing to use IE, I know it may seem like this is how product plans are made, but still, they are not. When you get to this level, people actually have the ability to rationally evaluate a platform on its merits. They compare, test, and write big thick reports. They don't do things on the spur of the moment, and branding doesn't matter one whit to these people. It will do what they want it to, or it will not. People don't buy enterprise portals based on box art.

That is why the Sun move hurts my head so much, it signals to me that the chaps just don't get it. They are not in a consumer market here, they are in a technical one. Why are they suddenly playing consumer games? Do they want to spend money for the sake of spending it? Do they want to piss off their hardcore developers, an informal survey of which came up with the word 'morons' more often than Sun is probably comfortable with.

Whatever the case, the damage is done. Marketeers won this round, Sun lost. Yay, party hats all around. Let's toast what is almost a really great release. If Mr McNealy has any sense left, the brainchildren behind this will become the next below-ice decoration in the 2004/5 Sharks season. That is a marketing campaign I could get behind. µ