- Tuesday, 24 November 2009
- INQ Mobile
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You can crush a man with journalism - William Randolph Hearst
Turkey paranoia hits Britain
THE UK seems to have been hit by Turkey paranoia as the Yule lunch approaches. First there were radio adverts, now there is a Turkey text hotline.
The INQ was astonished to hear an advert on a local radio station from some kind of governmental food agency that advised listeners not to stop cooking the Turkey until "its juices run clear."
Great advice. But how do you know how long to cook the carcass for? Well luckily there's a text line you can contact.
All you need to know is the weight – in kilogrammes - of the bird you're cooking. Once determined, UK readers can text the word 'turkey' followed by the bird's weight in Kg to 64446.
The instructions texted back seem incredibly precise. A 8 Kg Turkey, for example, should be cooked for four hours and ten minutes. Not a mere four hours, mind you.
Not only does the text message give time and heat settings, it also advised
on how many people the bird would feed. So, apparently, a 8 Kg Turkey would feed
between 16 and 17 people.
What next? A text line for barbecues? µ
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You've picked up on the wrong piblic information message! The ones about food poisoning are running in tandem with ones telling you if you wash your turkey before cooking it you will die! Kinda.

Regardless of the instuctions on the wrapping, let alone the common sense of anyone who has a clue what the filthy commoners who work in meet factories get up to, these messages claim that if you wash your turkey it will cause splashes to land around the sink, and these contain germs from the turkey. These germs will then infect anything else that goes near the sing and you'll die of the pox etc.

The thing is, this is a hygene issue, not a cooking issue, so anyone who's stupid enough to need to be told such simple rules designed to deal with the symptom rather than the cause will end up dead in a matter of weeks anyway after the wash a lump of bacon, leg of lamb or anything else which will also splash germs.

They should have got Kim & Aggie to do a message warning people to wash their sinks.
There will come one day when people won't know how to tie their shoes if the mobile service goes down. Mark my words!! (with the mobile keyboard).

FC