Smartguard protects children from evil videogames

SOFTWARE COMPANY SMARTguard has launched a program to stop kids from playing videogames containing violence or sexual content. The program will allow parents to stop certain PC games from starting up, and can set limits on game playing for kids.

The software is ideal for particularly lazy parents who are incapable of checking the box or, y'know, actually paying attention to what their kids get up to - a computer is parent enough for a child now - and at only $39.99 a year, it's a steal! WallFly provides parents with information about the content of every game installed on the PC (much like the dated "looking at the screen" technique), and will indicate whether it contains violence, sex, or other "areas of concern to families". The proggy will let grown-ups make individual profiles for each child, meaning Rick, 7, won't be able to play Grand Theft Auto but Tony, 12, will be able to play it as much as he wants.

Patricia Vance, president of the Entertainment Software Rating Board, says she supports any tool that will help parents "understand and make effective use of the ESRB ratings".

Doctor Jerald Block, the founder of SMARTguard Software, reckons children being able to access violent videogames has become a very serious issue in our society. He says "WallFly empowers parents to better manage their children's computer use".

Immediately, WallFly found all of the controversial games on my hard drive, which I promptly blocked my fictional child Murderous Billy from playing. µ