2007 news stories arrive early

IT WAS the best of times, it was the worst of times, as Charles Dickens wrote in A Tale of Two Cities and might not have bothered if he had realised how many authors of lashed-together reviews of the year would apprehend it to buy time in their intros.

You don't want another list of what happened in 2006, you want what's happening next year, right? OK, so here we go in no particular order.

Intel will ship quad-core parts and not many people will care except Sun and IBM marketers who will claim leadership on sheer number of cores and AMD, which will demand clarification of the meaning of multi-core processors. A new benchmark will be called for and new numbering schemes will appear. “Confusion will reign” over implications for enterprise software licensing.

Supply lines of DDR3 memory will be constrained at times. Ditto popular processors, chipsets and GPUs, leading to stories about potential "price pressure".

AMD will provide an “update” on ATI integration work that leaves us confused.

There will be a great many security stories relating to Windows Vista. Claims and counter-claims will ensue. Security researchers will emerge form obscurity to form the basis of stories where reporters will refer to these researchers as “respected”.

The consumer version of Windows Vista will appear. There will be a large party, advertising campaigns and a popular song will be co-opted.

The successor to Bluetooth will be much discussed with reference to “standards wars”, the “danger of fragmentation” and problems gaining approvals in part because of “potential risk to security and healthcare equipment”. Somebody will call Nintnedo's PR office to ask whether it could warn off the WiMedia body over potential confusion with the Wii brand. A comparison will be made with BetaMax/VHS.

In time for Christmas, Microsoft will release a Windows-based kettle and mug gift set. The Zune will be given away with other products.

Intel won't buy nVidia or Broadcom but will buy a company that makes Itanium run faster. Itanium will be subtly rebranded using the Xeon marque.

It will be revealed that Microsoft is working on a web-based version of Office. Software-as-a-service companies will be acquired by software giants. Google's share price will fall. NetSuite will float. Microsoft's Live services will not be popular but Microsoft will show reams of data to suggest they are. Amazon will build an alliance with eBay and Microsoft. Google will incubate startups.

Apple's OS X ‘Leopard' will be released and greeted with fawning all round. The iPod will be challenged by a new device from a company nobody has heard of.

VMware will continue to be dominant on enterprise virtualisation but will lose share further down the market.

Michael Dell and Bill Gates will host a charity special of The Apprentice and Ricky Gervais will be involved.

Everybody will issue a press release stating their “green” credentials. Sun will use Bob The Builder in a marketing campaign.

Poland will become a major manufacturing, assembly and distribution force. Somebody will create a news site covering technology trends in India.

Everything will be good. µ