Greece: An apology

We also wish to apologise for characterising Scots as noisy, loudmouthed, common louts who wear kilts, play the bagpipes to the repeated annoyance of their neighbours, hunt bawbees, eat battered Mars Bars in their sober moments, and who drink gallons of whisky first thing in the morning before their breakfast of oaties and porridge.

At the same time, we also wish to apologise for suggesting that English people are toffee nosed twits who wear bowler hats, hunt foxes and have a fond liking for whips and bums.

We'd also like especially to apologise to Blackburn Rovers FC and any of the bowler hatted, fox hunting English folk supporting them, for suggesting that the team is in any way obscure.

And we'd also like to extend our heartfelt and sincere apologies to any Welsh people who might feel slighted by our continual references to them as wearing pointy hats, singing Land of Our Fathers and punting a rugby ball while they eat Laver Bread and sit in a coracle.

So, too, we wish to apologise for typifying Irish folk as being over fond of the craic and porter of different shades, and for suggesting that they read AE's poetry non-stop, and live in a place called Eire.

We'd also like to apologise in advance to any other country which we might inadvertently slur and [that's enough apologies, Ed.] µ