Mystery blogger TWL discusses his/her kit

We don't get many like that around these parts. It's either a person of mystery or I need to call the police sharpish.

Who are you and what brings you here, strange vision? You'll not find anything here but Twickenham ale, tea bags, a kettle and some potting compost. You what? You're The World's Leading, sought-after anonymous blogger and scourge of the UK tech PR industry, did you say in a voice that did not disclose your gender or any other recognisable characteristics?

Well, sit down then. You'll doubtless have come here to discuss your rig, like other recent guests. I might as well have just emailed you since the questions never change but it's very good of you to show up like this. Take your cloak and mask off if you like... oh, no, of course not. I understand.

Q. Hey TWL, where you goin' with that gun in your hand? Or is it a mobile phone/smartphone/PDA and if so please could you describe it and your opinion of said item?

A. It's a Mars Bar, actually. It helps me work, rest and play but it has rubbish reception and smears the side of my face when I use it. But on the plus side, it lasts longer in a cup of tea than a Nokia. For making phone calls and sending those new-fangled text messages I have one of those flippy Motorola ones.

Q. Would you describe yourself as a gadget freak, that is, a consumer of gewgaws and electronic fripperies, some say nerd?

A. Very much so. I spend a lot of time at the Spy Shop where I indulge my passion for covert recording equipment such as tie cameras and pen microphones. I also have an original 1970s Sodastream, a limited edition Breville sandwich maker and a top-loader BetaMax video recorder with a remote control that's attached to the machine by a wire. I also have an Etch-a-Sketch.

Q. What's the coolest item in your rig?

A. There is no way that anything can compete with my GSM 3000D listening device. Without that Martin, there's no way I could have extorted that £500 from you.

The Blogger platform was an absolute favourite of mine, but I've recently embraced Wordpress as it has more lights and buttons that just snap in place -- in particular graphics and analytics. Google's various bits and bobs are also excellent. Even in this crazy 2.0 world, I find it incredible that such top quality kit is available for free.

Q. And the one you feel ashamed to tell us about, omitting no detail, no matter how small?

A. Probably my Wild Buck Vibrating Seat [http://www.sextoys.co.uk/Fun-Vibrators/Wild-Buck-Vibrating-Seat.asp]. I say that not because of what it actually does, but as a result of my undertaking the PR for the rival Double Penetronic 350X [http://www.theworldsleading.net/index.php/2007/04/27/bcs-story-competition-a-while-back-we-started/].

Q. Crumbs, I'd heard that PR was a dirty game. What else, God help us, have you got in that part of the house you call your study but your partner refers to as "the utility room"?

A. The decomposing remains of an account executive from 1997. An 8MBit connection to the web and a toilet roll. A copy of Football Manager 2007 in which Tranmere has just clinched the quadruple, for a record consecutive third time in the year 2015. Some paperwork about pensions.

Q. Er, OK. To have a desktop or not a desktop - discuss.

A. To have one, without doubt. It's where I put my coffee and line up my pens.

Q. Are you a lunatic, style-obsessed Mac zealot or sober, Harris tweed-wearing PC man?

A. I'd like to think that I'm a combination of the two. By that, I mean that I've taken a couple of cans of spray-paint to my PC and ripped off the Intel Inside sticker. Now it looks as bad as it performs.

I don't have an iPod, or an iPhone. And I never will, because I am not so stupid as to pay over the odds for something because it's had its corners sanded down.

Q. What sweet piece of kit would you like to purchase next once your dependents take a break from raiding the bank account for so-called necessities?

A. A camera and listening device disguised as some bullshit. It would go completely undetected in any PR agency.

Q. And your favourite piece of childhood kit?

A. I had a beautiful Fisher Price record player that had three thick plastic records. I took it with me, and my copy of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, when I ran away from home (aka hid behind the sofa for two hours).

Well, thank you again for your time. It's been very interesting I'm sure. Now I must get you a drink before you go. It's down here somewhere, just a minute. Here you… oh, you've gone. And I never even got to know your name. µ