Daily Mail says burning people is too good for them

In the process, called resomation, the body is encased in a silk coffin and immersed in water mixed with potassium hydroxide. It is then heated to 302 degrees Fahrenheit, or Gas Mark Four, which turns it into a white dust. Daily Mail readers obviously wouldn't wish to be turned into anything that wasn't white.

Resomation is claimed to be more eco-friendly than cremation, which can release nasty fumes such as mercury if you don't take Auntie Mabel's batteries out first, says Resomation, the outfit flogging the boiling-a-bag process. The paper reports that about a thousand stiffs in the United States, some of them still in government, have already been resomated.

Wail readers have responded in their own special way: 'What nobody has mentioned though is what happens to all the water that has all the boiled down meaty bits in it. Also, this year it's not a matter of importance but what happens when we have water shortages?' bleats Margaret in Wrexham. ' My dad wants to be cremated, and I want to be buried, let's stick with the traditional ways please,' fulminates another.

'This sounds horrible. I want my body to be cremated, not boiled,' shudders Kathleen from Wakefield. Fred, from Aberdeen, home of our esteemed Editor, has obviously put an unusual amount of thought into ways of disposing of unwanted corpses: ' Freezing the body in liquid nitrogen and then placing it on a vibration table reduces it to a comparative small volume that can be placed in a suitable small box and buried knowing that box and contents will become one with the ground in seven years,' he slobbers. µ

L'INQ
Wail on Sunday