Gossip from the Halls of Old Taipei

GEE WHIZZ and a da da da dit... The construction guys working for government sponsored CETRA managed to build a new two storied hall between the main gig in Old Taipei and the tiny Hall Two in just one year! But the pyramidal skyscraper we reported on last year isn't quite ready yet. Last year, a crane fell off the skyscraper and inflicted grievous bodily death on two innocents below... As you can see from this pic, a thunderstorm is brewing. In between the heavy construction going on at the World Trade Center, nameless individuals continue to grow fruit and vegetables.

Talking about nameless individuals, the world of hardware web sites would have Harrison Ford crying "I hate snakes! Snakes, why do it have to be snakes?"

Because listening to this mob talking you'd think you were in a pit of seething vipers and snakes-in-the-grass. They whinge, they develop petty jealousies, they brief against each other, they suck up, they backbite, they flatter, they cajole, they lig and they loiter with and without intent. A movement, an eddy sprung up towards the end of the week between the haves and the have nots. The have nots had not a sample of the latest ATI Radeon board to be launched this week, while haves had. Suddenly the INQ found itself caught between Scylla and Charybdis in a relentless feud between the have nots and ATI.

At the Shuttle partner, I met a hack who got a lift in a car with three people from different vendordoms. They were discussing just how they could put a complete stop to the INQUIRER leaking all the information it does. They came to no conclusion before they reached their destination.

There were plenty of haves amongst the CETRA fanboys in the Agora Garden Hotel, who were busy testing the Radeon wotsit. The fanboys each had a list of appointments impossible to keep because of their number plus the hall locations went a bit awry, leaving dazed fanboys reeling... JP said he was hoping that by next year someone would invent a robotic editor who could be programmed with the right spiel, get to a meeting on time, shake hands and then continue down the list.

Attendance for the fanboys was essential at CETRA's bash on the beach at the Howard Resort, some miles from Taipei. Some panic ensued because a guy from Anandtech fell so fast asleep on the long bus journey there, the organisers thought (hoped?) he might be dead. In the gloom, we could see Turtle Island in the distance, and in the foreground several journalists from across the world stripping off and diving into the extremely large wabes. Some may never have been seen again.

Some should never have been seen again. A Danish journalist got up on the stage and started singing "The Lion sleeps tonight". The organiser, a sweet lady called Irene, then told the assembly that selected hacks had to get up on stage for a knees up. All of the Russian contingent, including Anna from Xbit Labs, sang sweet lays to the rest of us while Sandor put his head in his hands and keened....

But the highlight of this excursion came at the end of the evening. Little groups of hacks were told they had to sign their names on paper lanterns which would then ascend to the heavens, courtesy of a little bundle of fire providing copious amounts of hot air. The first lantern was truly impressive. It rose high in the air, swerved towards the Howard Hotel, and looked like it might crash into the hotel and cause a conflagration. A crazed hotel employee rushed out and told CETRA to light their *"£%"$"$ lanterns nearer the beach. The next lantern to go up was from the 12-strong Russian contingent which flew 15 yards and crashed into a wall. We forged our signature. You can never be too careful with the Chinese gods, in our opinion. Our lantern crashed and burned too, while others escaped, probably to set fire to peoples' houses and fields inland... No wonder CETRA wanted everyone's passport numbers.

Back in Old Taipei, some of the boys were eager to go down to The Zone, just behind the Imperial Hotel of beloved memory. Two young shavers found themselves in the K9 club, assailed on all sides by Mama's girlies. This, you may remember, is the club where Nico Ernst took photos of Nvidia people in weird bondage gear last year. We warned the lads that above all else they must not buy the lasses drinks. Example: glass of lemonade NT$1,500, Taiwan Beer NT$90. But before we could say "how much is that doggy in the window", the lads had committed. Suddenly the five lasses, high on lemonade, who were chatting to the two lads rushed out, with a clutch of other maidens, to the front door, so abandoning the young blades. We asked mama to explain to the two bewildered young gents what was going on. "They're looking for new victims," she rather honestly replied... µ