Tech to get the Pop Idol treatment

Anybody who has ever held their breath long enough knows that these programmes are the devil's spawn and standalone evidence that the world is going to hell in a handcart, that we have entered into a period of decadence or as the French say, we are at the fin de siecle.

The New York Times suggests that this nonsense could start as early as 3 March with entrepreneurs pitching their ideas to a panel of "experts".

Just be grateful this stuff didn't happen way back in the day. Imagine the scene:

A young Bill Gates walks in wearing large spectacles, outsize pullover, tousled hair.

Simon Cowell (snorting): Oh my god…

Paula Abdul (tilting her elfin head): Shush, don't be so… (adopting honeyed tones) Go on Bill. Tell us your idea.

Gates: I have an idea for a GUI-based operating system that lets you use a mouse to control all the features.

Cowell: Oh yeah, because that's so new, isn't it? Have you even seen Steve Jobs, Bill? He's trendier than you and he's been doing this for years. Pathetic.

Sharon Osbourne (hitting him): Shut up Simon. Not everybody can be like Steve Jobs. Anyway, GUIs have been around for years.

Cowell: Oh, you're not going to bring up Xerox Parc AGAIN, are you…