World saved by MS ruling

Tech stocks go so low that Congress institutes the Capital Loss Tax, which is a 20% retroactive tax on stock losses. Trillions of dollars pour into Washington D.C. faster than politicians can spend it. The national debt is wiped out. Homeless people are sent on cruises. The I.R.S. unplugs their phones and rufuses to accept any more money. Politicians spend and spend, but it is not enough. To quote an exhaused Senator “We can only waste so much money; even we have our limits.”

Because the MS breakup vacuums up all the limelight, Jesse Jackson is angry the media is ignoring the child he had out of wedlock. In an unusual PR stunt, he fathers quintuplets by his babysitter. The quintuplets form a band know as “The Jackson ‘Lovechild' Five”

AOL keeps growing and begins experimenting with nanotechnology. After a horrible experiment gone wrong, billions of “100 Hours of Free AOL” CDs will spontaneously appear across the surface of the earth. Oddly, nothing will seem out of the ordinary.

Angry Frenchmen will go on strike bringing the country to its knees while inane French politicians nuke fish in the Pacific….hmmm, wait a sec….that will happen anyway.

After the breakup, MS shows that all is forgiven by giving the federal appeals court a free X-box, a trip to Disneyworld, and a voyage to MS's secret moonbase. Unfortunately, the ship's computer will run on Windows 1.0 beta…

Steve Balmer leaves Microsoft and forms a cult that wears tennis shoes and black trenchcoats, and sip on flavored drinks in distant African countries. They all enter into a suicide pact that will culminate when Linux finally takes over the PC desktop - they all die of old age.

Bill Gates will suffer from post-partem-in-two depression and go on a buying binge of small countries. After recovering, Mr. Gates clones himself to maintain control of both companies. Of course, he will stay in the OS division and his clone, Bill “Dolly” Gates, would reign over the applications division. Of course, his clone would be evil (ed: or good?), sport a goatee, and make various appearances on evil-twin episodes of sitcoms desperate for plots in their waning seasons. µ