I'll have anything Mac and it must be white

COME IN TO THE SHED. Sit down. Help yourself to the kettle. There's fresh bags or I've got a barrel of Twickenham Ale the wife gave me for my 60th. You can have a half of that if you fancy.

Now then, Chris Davies, general manager, D-Link UK & Ireland, tell us all about your rig... Oh hang on, I have to ask the long-winded first question before you start.

Q. Hey Joe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand? Or is it a mobile phone/smartphone/PDA and if so please could you describe it and your opinion of said item? Actually, that joke doesn't really work anymore as it was designed for our first interviewee in this spot and his name was Joe. But just ignore that and imagine you were born as a Joe.

A. Ah... I've had them all and now they are all waiting in the "No keep it, I'll sell that soon on Ebay" mountain building up in the loft (several 486 laptops, HP Jornada, Traffic Master etc). So all I have is a phone, a pretty bog standard one too -- but slim. Let's face it, it's a look that will never catch on i.e. Fagin's helper with pockets that stretch to fit a small Laborador. The Sony Ericsson W880i does it for me. Crap at texting but as I have no friends except this new strange one in a shed...

Q. Would you describe yourself as a gadget freak, that is, a consumer of gewgaws and electronic fripperies, some say nerd?

A. Um, no. There's a line that has to be crossed first before failing the species this way. To check anyone out, ask them this: "Would you buy a pedal bin or an automatic movement detector pop-up lid waste bin for the kitchen?" As I have the former then I can honestly say that I still do not live with my mother and find untrimmed nasal hair unacceptable. So no, I am not a nerd.

Q. What's the coolest item in your rig?

A. Operated after four bottles of Cobra (minimum), navigating my 6ft x 2ft remote airship around the assault course in my living room and after negotiating "Palm Tree" corner, lowering the airship's paper-clip hook to collect a paper bucket. Record time: 2.48 secs. Top Tip: Don't try this with the cat in the room...

Q. And the one you feel ashamed to tell us about, omitting no detail, no matter how small?

A. My 1997 Gucci "manbag" Christmas present from MIL. Can't even Ebay it...

Q. What else have you got in that part of the house you call your study but your partner refers to as 'the utility room'?

A. Starphone for conference calls (never used), iMac, Canon A3 printer (soon to join Ebay Mountain), HP printer, D-Link 655 router, BT modem, 1930 Barclays bank manager's desk, can of fly spray, six months of unshredded credit card statements, 17 adapters for items that don't exist anymore, 13 loose batteries that I can't throw away as I don't know if they are used or not, 22 cables that could be for anything, three Cat 5 network patch cables that are broken (can't throw away just in case of emergency), BT wireless alarm system instruction book, BT wireless alarm/various boxes/various stages of destruction/three vital components now missing, dust, storage device and iPod paraphernalia, one sucked sock (canine entertainment system), and an assortment of dead flies.

Q. To have a desktop or not a desktop -- discuss.

A. OK, is an iMac a "desktop" or work of art? If it's the latter then laptops, otherwise the former.

Q. Are you a lunatic, style-obsessed Mac zealot or sober, Harris Tweed wearing PC man?

A. Anything Mac and it must be white.

Q. What sweet piece of kit would you like to purchase next, once your dependents take a break from raiding the bank account for so-called necessities?

A. 61-inch plasma to replace my aging NEC. Of course it can't stop there, why have that without the Sky HD box (OK, we only have BBC Northern Hebrides & Topless Darts in HD at the moment but just think of the future). Ah, now, there is of course a DVD requirement too... and media streaming. What am I saying? It's summer and I'm a male. It has to be a new BBQ to replace the one I bought and used twice last year but forgot to put the cover on and didn't clean it. That'll do nicely.

Chris, thank you. Now go and tidy up that study - the place is a death trap, man. µ