INQUIRER issues advisory re. Iphone shortages

USUALLY The INQUIRER offers a hilarious, very British "sideways" look at technology, peeling away the layers to find the humorous side of silicon gates, bit rates and disk arrays. That's just the way it is around these parts, for which no apology is offered.

But every now and again, the serious world steps in and it is appropriate to step back a little and offer some grown-up advice. These are difficult times and it's important not only that we report contextually and with sensitivity, but also provide the benefit of our experience.

The dark hue of our times is reflected in Robert Scoble's latest blog entry, which reflects upon recent events in California:

"Every few seconds another person would enter the store and ask 'when are you getting more?' The display with cases was mobbed. Could hardly get close to it. Someone ripped off an iPhone from the display right before we got there, too. Oh, I just checked the iPhone availability page and Apple is sold out tonight at EVERY SINGLE STORE in California. Amazing."

"Amazing" may not be a strong enough word for this post-apocalyptic vision and we humbly suggest more extensive use of capital letters but this is not time to quibble. Instead, we humbly offer our sympathy and advice with a six-step programme for recovery:

1. Admit you are powerless. The first step in recovery is admitting that your life has been taken over by the Iphone.

2. Wait. We know it is difficult but, if at all possible, may we suggest you exercise patience? After all, when the first Buzz Lightyear dolls became available they were also scarce but now these items may be had on the open market without price markups.

3. Consider options. Could we suggest you examine short-term alternatives? Several items on the market offer similar specifications even though they lack key items such as very high pricing, specially aged cellular connectivity and Apple logos.

4. Displacement activity. We understand it is difficult to maintain equilibrium at times such as this but filling time until Iphone availability will help you get through this difficult time. Have you considered leaving your room to meet friends, taking exercise, or going out and having a drink?

5. Make an inventory. Consider all the people you might have accidentally hurt through your obsessive actions, for example the people you have bored talking about the Iphone.

6. God. Even when things seem at their darkest, God will be by your side and a power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity. Steve is always listening. µ