Knob ring for your mobile phone arrives

"HERE'S MY mobile number. Do give me a ring."

Never have those words had a more ominous tone to them than now, thanks to a new, filthy invention from online smut peddlers www.LoveHoney.co.uk.

You see, the man may be wearing a VibraExciter – it's described as a multi-speed love ring, m'lud, that plugs into your mobile phone and vibrates when anyone tries to call you.

Now there's a new generation of nerds who can get orgasmic about their little Nokia. And it's nothing to do with aesthetics.

How does it work? The multi-speed love ring has a nifty receiver cleverly disguised as a black clamshell phone. Simply clip the receiver on to your belt, slide the ring in to place and incoming calls and texts on your mobile phone become a real turn-on. Receiving a text message triggers 20-30 seconds of vibrations – perfect for anytime, anywhere surprises.

"Making a trunk call has never been so much fun," said Ruth Wilkinson, PR spokeswoman for LoveHoney.co.uk

When a man gives you his mobile number, and asks you to give him a buzz, be very cautious if he says his number starts with oh, oh, oh, 7.

What a shame Siemens doesn't make mobile phones, the gags would have written themselves.

"The VibraExciter for Men makes text sex and phone sex even more exciting," sais a Love Hone bunny called Bonny. "If the Iphone show-offs on the tube look happier than normal this week, they're probably enjoying the journey with the help of the VibraExciter."

In other words, if you see someone smiling on the way home from work tonight, punch them. They're probably a pervert. And if they've got an iIphone, punch them again, for good measure.

However, one health and safety killjoy spoke out against the mobile vibrating love ring. "If it vibrates too much, it could nokia nadgers off," said Ken Young, from Chiswick. µ