Options mount for mobiles on the Tube

The company launched Private Mobile Networks (PMNs), which are essentially little mini GSMs. They have their own frequency, which doesn't interfere with the licensed mobile operators. And they work within a 500 yard radius of the mini antenna. This plugs into a land line, which conveys messages across Teleware's own pipe. From which calls can then filter across the Interweb.

Marketing manager Lesley Hansen told The INQUIRER that these devices would be good for campuses, hotels (where basement conference rooms are often a dead zone for normal GSM) and hospitals, where the low-powered GSM won't interfere with medical equipment.

Mind you, neither does normal GSM. It just seems like a good way to force all patients and relatives to use premium rate numbers. Talking of which, the PMN could still enable hospital management to exploit vulnerable patients. Patients would buy a £10 SIM card, which they'd slot into their mobile.

The INQUIRER pointed out that sticking a Private Mobile Network transmitter into an underground station would be the work of a moment. Then bores could find new platforms to show off, instead of gathering round me on South West trains.

"Ooh, I didn't think of that," said Hansen. "People are thinking of new applications all the time."

If you see one of these rugby ball shaped devices in the tube one day, you'll know they've taken our advice. But don't blame us for all the gibbering idiots on the tube. Ms Hansen didn't even offer us a commission. Ha! We wouldn't like to be in PMN's channel! µ

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London Underground could enjoy mobile phone coverage