LCD manufacturers take us all for morons

Assuming they haven't, why are LCD TV manufacturers treating us all like morons? For the past 18 months they have ploughed hundreds of millions of pounds into brainwashing the world that LCD TVs are the peak of technological achievement.

We have been told through TV campaigns, magazine adverts and spotty, misinformed sales monkeys in the retail outlets that LCD TVs are no less than 'sex-on a stand'. That they are so cool, sleek and thin that by owning one you too will shed a few pounds and become more desirable. That these devices are the technological equivalent of high class porn probably explains why many of my friends are drooling to get their hands on them.

Normal, everyday friends with their fair share of faults - God Bless 'em - that generally view the world through a world weary, jaundiced filter are suddenly producing crumpled, torn magazine pages in the pub with photos of LCD TVs on them. This is usually accompanied by a proud: "What d'ya think about that, then?"

What can I say? Before I get a chance, the air is filled with "bloody gorgeous", "how thin?" and "sexy". Before you know it the once 'sensible' friend with frightening debts and an even more frightening ex-wife is stomping out of the pub, fuelled by lager and a dream, brandishing an overused credit card and a torn page on his way to Tottenham Court Rd.

And what for? An anorexic TV with dodgy colour and image reproduction. Amidst all the hype, we have lost sight of what is really being sold. This might come as a shock, so brace yourself. We are all being duped into buying devices that offer far less image quality for three times the price. Forget the sex appeal, the sleek lines and lifestyle overhaul that will be yours. We are being conned - yes, conned - into buying a device that doesn't work as well as our CRT TV and which will cost us a fortune for the privilege.

Right now, most LCD TVS are 30 inches or less and a decent one will set you back £1,500 - £3,000. Am I the only one that thinks that this is a little steep for what is essentially, a second TV? I'm beginning to think so. I feel like I could stand naked on a box in Tottenham Court Rd - a frightening enough image, I assure you - shouting these facts to passing consumers with a megaphone and it would do no good.

I would still be passed by glassy-eyed extras from Invasion of the Body Snatchers, wielding wads of cash and torn magazine pages. What's the big deal about anorexic TVs? Have houses shrunk in the past two years? Obviously not, but the hugely successful marketing of a lifestyle has overshadowed the technical pitfalls found in many skinny TVs.

Image quality, many manufacturers will argue, is as good as the leading CRT TVs. That's true, but only if that image doesn't move. Ever tried watching a game of football on one of these £2,000 slinkies? There is so much trailing image - or 'ghosting' - that you spend a lot of time checking your can of beer to ensure that you have not been drinking Elephant.

No, you're not drunk, just becoming aware that all is not well with the skinny TV. The same is true with action movies or anything requiring a fast response time. Hold on, I think they're OK for bowls and snooker though, as long as Jimmy White isn't playing. LCD TVs need to hit a response time of around 10 milliseconds (ms) and lower to achieve the quality of CRT TVs. Right now, most are in the 20-30ms range with a small number coming down towards the 15ms stage. Don't worry about the odd colour reproduction either as LCD TV manufacturers assure us techies - not the public though - that they are sorting that out.

Don't forget that sitting to the side might make the image harder to see, or a little darker, because viewing angles on many LCDs TVs are a bit tight. I have enough 'viewing angle' problems of my own at the weekend without my very expensive TV adding to the problem.

Now, I have to fall over within a 150 degree viewing angle. Oh yeah, try closing the curtains too if possible to prevent screen glare. So, what have we got? You're looking good as long as you sit in the dark, not too much to the side, are colour blind and plan on watching Tai Chi videos. Not bad for £1,500. What a bargain. Just remember, next time you are watching your expensive new toy that the blurry image comes as standard. Don't blame the beer! µ