I'm not in prison, I'm dining at the Ritz with my secretary - Jeffrey Archer
A FASHION for converting mobile phones into holy icons has got a few Roman Catholic priests' garters in a twist.
For several hundred years, there has been a thriving industry built up around the sale of pictures of dead saints, Jesus, angels and the Virgin Mary.
These 'holy cards' are carried around by the faithful and can often be seen stuck to the dashboard of Italian taxis.
But now, a Milan-based mobile phone company has cottoned on to the idea of using these images as wallpaper on mobile phones, Reuters reports.
Santiprotettori.com has 15 saints on its books and for three euros (£2.16 or $4.40) will send them to your mobile as a sort of divine protection racket.
But the move has sparked a bit of a row in the Catholic church.
Apparently, sticking a saint on a bit of card which gets dirty and bent in someone's pocket is OK, whereas putting the same image on a mobile phone is not.
Bishop Lucio Soravito De Franceschi, a member of the Italian bishops' conference committee for doctrinal matters, told the Turin newspaper La Stampa described the scheme as in "bad taste".
Quite how he tells bad taste on a mobile from the kitsch pictures of a blonde non-Jewish Jesus with his heart floating in front on him that are on sale in front of the Vatican he didn't quite say.
The Bishop said it is was "a distortion of sacred things". Selling 'santini' for mobiles was "horrifying" but sticking an artist's impression of the Son of God on a dashboard next to a picture of an Italian porn star is acceptable.
We are not sure we've got the hang of this organised religion lark. µ
It's probably because said Bishop didn't appreciate the fact that he wasn't getting a cut of the profits.
No doubt the next step will be excommunication.
I bet if someone checked out the vendors selling the physical placards in front of the Vatican, they pay an access or license fee for the "privilege". So the obvious step is to destroy the digital placard market with moral invectives, at least until the license fees start trickling in.