Media Center PCs: The End is Nigh

MEDIA CENTER PCs may promise yet another computing utopia but they are nothing more than a self-replicating virus that will wipe out a cherished way of life. You won't see it in the marketing brochures but to those of us with more than teenage bum-fluff on our chins, they spell the end of a tradition that stretches back to the Stone Age. From the first hairy ancestor to slink off to a quiet part of the cave to gather his thought(s) and scrawl a doodle on the wall with his own crap, men have always sought one thing after a hard day's dinosaur bashing: solitude.

Not much, but an hour or two is what stops many of us from visiting MacDonalds with a firearm. With our grandfathers and our fathers, they slinked off to the garage to exorcise their day by hammering the sh*t out of some piece of wood or metal. With us, it's hammering holy hell out of the alien hordes in Doom 3.

In all cases, it has required a little bit of solitude. A room of our own - apart from the toilet. Our room. That space is often referred to as the study/den or, where not available, that weird spare room that doubles as the dumping ground for 10 years worth of accumulated junk, broken Hoovers, an ironing board and piles of washing that scream out for a little TLC. Before Media PCs there was a clear line between computing/gaming/surfing and the TV-based entertainment in the home. This line clearly divided the house into the study/den/spare room and the living room. His and Hers, if you like. Now that line is threatened and with it, our right to kills things, surf educational sites, abuse Ebay and play loud music really loud, without affecting anyone else.

Media PCs are the final nail in the coffin because they want to shift computing to the living room. Disguised in chassis that resemble the sleek consumer devices that people already have in their living rooms, the chameleon PCs threaten all of that. Now, some might say that I'm being a bit dramatic - you may be right. Others may say that I'm being a bit premature but, for the first time outside the bedroom, I don't think so. Even though only one million of the 170 million PCs sold last year were Media Center PCs, the recently announced version of Media Center Edition (MCE) 2005 indicates that Microsoft and its PC cohorts may be getting it right. Previous versions of the software have been somewhat laughable - a first for Microsoft, I know - but this latest version is getting the thumbs up from a growing number of hardened, sceptical reviewers.

Media PCs have also shed their PC roots to the extent that you would be hard pressed to find the PC in among other entertainment and AV devices. Last year, certain PC suppliers were building Media PCs that looked exactly like regular PCs with a paint-job. Hardly inconspicuous, then. Because they were missing the point, so was the consumer. Right now though, they seem to be getting it right. I have no intention of listing the features available in this era-crushing version of MCE, but unlike previous versions, it seems to, well, work. Many factors are conspiring to b facilitate the Media PC infiltration. Broadband access is soaring faster than sales of the One night in Paris DVD. Most of the big PC vendors are more committed to the Media PC concept now, as opposed to paying lip service in recent years. It helps that regular PC sales have been dire and margins negligible and that they are more than a little desperate to create a new market for products they can actually make some money on.

Prices of Media PCs still hover around the £1,000-£1,300 mark but these will fall in the New Year as volumes rise. It doesn't hurt that a growing number have wireless built-in and with separate devices available based on the MCE Extender technology, the wireless home network might be a bit easier to get up an running. Up until recently many Media PCs had no wireless facility despite the fact that most people's broadband connections were not - and still aren't - in their living rooms. So despite the sleek Media PC, you still had a big, unsightly cable snaking around the living room, into the hall and into your treasured, study/den/weird spare room. Does no one actually think these things through? But hey, now it's all much easier.

Frankly, it's all just so depressing. Once the PC role moves into the living room, where do we go? I'm crap at metal work and hammering any wood but my own holds absolutely no thrill at all. I'm sorry, but gaming - especially with Gore-level set to max - is not a family sport. I don't want to have to stop saving the universe just so my family can get their evening dose of soaps. As for being able to play DVDs and music from the Media PC, there are few in my family that would sanction daddy hogging the 'family' system to re-watch Enter the Dragon for the 50th time, followed promptly by a blast of Metallica, Tool and Smashing Pumpkins at nosebleed volumes. As for communal surfing, give me a break. There's not one bloke out there whose list of 'Favourite' Web sites wouldn't have to change radically if surfing moves to the living room. Finally, and this is the scariest prospect of all, if the Media PC in your living room becomes the main system in the house you can kiss goodbye to your old, solitary sanctuary. Your old throne room will be annexed for 'redevelopment'. A bathroom, maybe, or maybe an aromatherapy room. Yum. Maybe you might be unlucky enough to hear the most terrifying line of all: "Honey, you know my mom hasn't been well recently, I was thinking we could do-up that old room of yours…"

Arrrgh!!! µ