Catholics become Sun worshippers

WHEN THE POPE ASKS himself the question “what would Jesus do?”, the answer he must give himself is “go carbon neutral”, because that is exactly what the Vatican, the world’s smallest country, has done.

Not only are all greenhouse gas emissions from the Holy See offset by renewable energies and carbon credits, the Vatican has also gone solar powered. As if that wasn’t enough, the non polluting pontiff has also ensured that in penance for any emissions that do happen to escape (incense fumes, perhaps?), enough trees will be planted in a massive Hungarian park, to absolve them.

All this and the fact that he uses Roman Catholic doctrine to preach mankind's religious responsibility to look after the planet, has earned Pope Benedict the title of the world’s first “Green Pope”.

The infallible green one has decreed that in order to be a good Catholic, you have to recycle. Or at least have a compost heap out back. Last year, the Vatican even held a whole conference on global warming and how to "focus on the needs of sustainable development”. The Vatican even came up with some new eco based sins, including “thou shalt not pollute the environment". Bizarrely, " causing social injustice" and "becoming obscenely wealthy," have also been bunged into the list because they too are linked to taking care of the earth, according to a Vatican spokesman. Can’t you just imaging it now? Father, forgive me for I have sinned, I threw my plastic milk bottle in the organic bin yesterday. The Vatican did not mention how many Hail Marys one would have to say for that.

As well as pointing out that God told us to look after the earth, since way back in the book of Genesis, the non noxious pope has also managed to link environmentalism with helping the world’s poor, pointing out that they’re usually the ones that God smites first when the world’s climate strays from the straight and narrow.

Floods, droughts, food shortages, they all hit the most vulnerable first, and its all because we drive SUVs (which are henceforth considered to be mortal sin vehicles).

But for all his eco sermonising, analysts warn that we shouldn’t expect any hardcore green policies from the pontiff. Things like population control or limiting the use of the earth's resources to support human livelihood would obviously be pushing it.

Meanwhile, at least the biodegradable Benedict has something to talk about when he addresses the United Nations General Assembly on Friday, something that steers clear of all three major taboos: politics, sex and religion. µ

L’Inq
Newsweek