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Iphone 4 fail log
EVEN GREAT ARMIES FALL but none quite so comically as Apple's fanbois.
That undeserved feeling of entitlement at belonging to modern technology's great bastion of smugness has been wiped away as Apple and its faithful stumble from one Iphone 4 problem to another. In fact there are so many problems that we thought it would be rather handy to make a failure log of the Iphone 4. Let the flogging commence.
Prior to the purchase of the Iphone 4:
1. Makes you stand outside and fraternise with other fanbois
During purchase you realise:
2. Apple is using the Iphone 4 to make a stand against white supremacists
3. After investing hours of your time, that you are compelled to fork over a small fortune for a handset
4. Apple is forcing you to purchase another micro-SIM as the one from the Ipad purposefully won't fit
5. And finally, sign up for life changing tariffs and realise that mobile operators' limitations mean you can't even use Steve Jobs' latest creation
Once penniless and out of the door you realise that the Iphone 4 has:
6. An antenna so dodgy that even Delboy wouldn't stick it on his three wheeled van
7. A proximity sensor that doesn't know where you are
8. A stroppy screen with an acne problem
9. A needy personality, wanting to clear your calendar and email so it has your full attention
10. Movie software that is so useless it makes you look like Michael Winner
11. Components that are worth barely 10 percent of the total amount you will have committed to pay.
Immediately after parting with £500 at least you can palm a device that seems like reconstituted technological garbage safe in the knowledge Apple is on top of the whole situation. That is, until you realise that the fruit themed toymaker would rather stick its head in the sand than admit its Iphone 4, a device that must have had a whole five minutes of testing before it went out of the door, has problems.
The saddest part of this whole saga isn't the fanbois who are left short-changed holding a phone that can't even make a call but rather their efforts to solve the problems by clutching at straws.
Here are the best or rather the most technologically inept solutions so far.
Apparently all that's needed to fix the dodgy antenna is a bit of tape, but perhaps adding is not the answer, how about cutting even more off the SIM card? Not only are fanbois forced to sign up to another contract because Apple has physically altered the micro-SIM required for use between Ipad and Iphone, according to some bright spark shaving a few millimetres would actually help with reception difficulties. Clearly smaller SIM cards increase antenna performance, which is why the Iphone 4 is the first to have a micro-SIM.
Do you feel those solutions lack the artistic verve that an Apple fanboi should display? Fret not, nail polish will do the trick. But why resort to giving your money to another church? You could just go to your local Iphone scrap heap and buy a plastic gutter for your shiny Iphone. Expecting Apple to help? You'll have more luck finding hen's teeth, because Apple surely isn't going to let you use your Iphone without forking over another £25.
Follow the Dear Leader's advice, just hold it another way or better still make it appear to break something else, the laws of physics. Good reception is just one hair accessory away. Worried about looking like an 1980s tennis player? Don't be, simply attach your £500 phone to the side of your head using a 2-pence rubber band. But wait! There's more, oh wise one. The Iphone 4 uses ear lobes as its secondary form of input.
We lambasted Steve Jobs for calling the Ipad "magical" but actually it's the Iphone 4 which is truly magical, being able to break the space-time continuum with its duff proximity sensor. It has led to users losing control of their devices. Thankfully for users, because so much of the Iphone 4 is broken, we don't have to worry about The Rise of the Iphones.
The solution to this and the aforementioned spotty screen? Nothing. Short of switching it off and holding a mass Iphone 4 burning, users must be patient for Jobs to come out with another hand-to-mouth "fix" for his legions of impoverished fanbois. Of course you could try and go to the church but expect to be stonewalled with a barrage of patronising questions.
At least Microsoft Exchange users haven't been left in the lurch. Here Apple was relatively quick to come out with a bodge, dumping a "profile update", though the firm is saying that for best results, "The profile should be installed on as many IOS [Iphone OS] 4 devices at your company as possible." Of course a better alternative would be just not to bring any shiny toys to work.
So let's recap and give you a run down of the solutions that you can pick to compensate for Apple's cumulative technical genius to produce a phone that really doesn't work all that well.
1. Gaffer tape
2. Nail polish
3. Rubber bands
4. Attaching a plastic dustbin as a shield
5. Not touching a touchscreen phone
7. Attach a 1970s bakelite phone to the back
9. Apply for the job of Iphone antenna engineer
10. Not buy an Iphone 4.
We think the last option is bang on the money but we'd like to hear what you rank as the best solution and perhaps add to the wealth of engineering knowledge that clearly exists within the Iphone 4 community.
As the saying goes, "You pays your money and you takes your chances." Or, in the case of the Iphone 4, you pay again. µ
Tags: Apple
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Also don't forget about iOS4 not working with most car stereo's with iPod/iPhone support.
Here is the rather lengthy thread.
http://discussions.apple.com/thread.jspa?threadID=2470321&tstart=0
I myself included.. I just purchased a new Pioneer headunit about a month ago, and with ver. 3.1.2 it works fine, but after upgrading to iOS4 it will no longer charge my phone or play music from it.. Thanks Apple for breaking it.
I never cease to be amazed at what consumers will put up with from vendors. Apple are now dictating what apps will be allowed to run on some of there mobile devices. How do they get away with this? And coming from a country that is laughably supposed to be the main bastion of freedom and ethics in the world. Perhaps Jobs should take to wearing a small moustache and saying "Zig Heil" before giving his keynote speeches. Im sure the eager Apple fanbois will be only too happy to click their heels together and do a "Heil Jobs" in return.
To ALL APPLE FANIDIOT's
Let see:
http://www.gsmarena.com/2009_world_handset_sales_ranked_iphone_os_eats_winmo-news-1469.php
http://www.gartner.com/it/page.jsp?id=1372013
Where's "fruit theme company" located???
NEXT! Let's see...:
http://www.interbrand.com/best_global_brands.aspx
Where the heck the "fruit theme company" located??? Oh... doooooowwwnnnn... there. Hello there, little young idiot fellow...
Do you REALLY think "LITTLE fruit theme company" even matter for the MAJORITY of 6 Billion people???
NVFAN (+ APPLDIOT'S) HATER
To ALL APPLE FANIDIOT's
Let see:
http://www.gsmarena.com/2009_world_handset_sales_ranked_iphone_os_eats_winmo-news-1469.php
http://www.gartner.com/it/page.jsp?id=1372013
Where's "fruit theme company" located???
NEXT! Let's see...:
http://www.interbrand.com/best_global_brands.aspx
Where the heck the "fruit theme company" located??? Oh... doooooowwwnnnn... there. Hello there, little young idiot fellow...
Do you REALLY think "LITTLE fruit theme company" even matter for the MAJORITY of 6 Billion people???
NVFAN (+ APPLDIOT'S) HATER
Every company makes a "dog" product that is so full of holes as to be swiss cheese but smell twice as bad.
MS had its Vista OS and Now Apple has its iPhone 4.
NP dude - you're clearly a reasonable guy. Just bear in mind that these articles are deliberately inflammatory, designed to provoke unreasoning fanbois - if you rise to it you risk doing yourself an injustice.
Sometimes I wish I was a psychologist or something, and I'd gather all those comments at INQ's Apple articles only to build a thesis about fanaticism and maybe win a Nobel prize...
Now seriously, fanboy reactions are always fun.
Keep'em coming.
Get thee to a psychologist! Seriously. You're clearly unable to conquer your insecurities on your own. You need professional help. I mean it. Do it now!
I apologise, Taken out of the overall comment like that, that remark seems overly harsh. And your right of course. But like i said i've never owned a Mac and don't like apple as a company. However I do find the iPhone fits quite well into my life. I generally operate a mental policy of, If it works for you, great. If it doesn't. Fine.
The iPhone works for me and as far as I'm concerned, end of.
My prior comment was as a result of being frustrated at the author of the article for presenting the issues with the iPhone 4 as bigger than they are. And for point 3 being "a small fortune" even when the linked article said how the pricing of the iPhone 4 was actually relatively reasonable. My comment was aimed at the author, not people in general and I apologise for that.
I don't believe that others are jealous, I do however feel that certain journalists and industry commentators are very quick to scathe a phone that is produced by apple regardless of its merits. I'm sorry if I offended anyone and by all means I retract my previous statement
The best INQ satirical post all week to me.
Just in case you couldn't tell I was being sarcastic. Honestly the only lemmings are the ones that follow this site. Would be nice if you guys would cover other phones rather then wasting our time on this.
Thanks for the continued truth alerts which the dim witted apple owners choose to defend! Apple bashing=Cider and lemmings jump off cliff's! keep up the good work inQ! Regards
I doubt it got that much considering the testers were so drunk they didn't even know where the phones were until they read about it on the web.
No, Stefing, we wouldn't want you to fall off a cliff. I'm sure they'll keep the article right here so anti-fanboi's like you won't be drawn to jump.
Personally, the negative press is doing some good. For those that wanted to wait until after the first day craziness to get an iPhone 4, they will have a much easier time now. Seems that the post 1st day shipments are coming through quite quickly now. Probably due to a large number of cancelled orders. LOL!
These articles work as a great fanbois magnet, if we throw it off a cliff will they follow as keenly as they do to swallow Apple's bollocks?
the inquirer, being on Google or HTC's pay list, fail to change the reality. the iPhone 4 is a damn good phone. the display, processor, app store, iTunes, camera, design, battery life, etc all in one package makes the competition a joke.
Gee Inq, over analise things much? Sure there are issues. Interestingly enough most of what you mention here are similar to ALL smart phones worth owning.
Most issues Apple will fix. While I'm not so sure about the antenna one, they really goofed on that one and continue to goof. Won't cause me much grief anyway, because I will encase mine. But the rest of the arguments presented here are really overboard. All high end smart phones cost a pretty penny to purchase and own. Corporate Blackberry's still cost more to operate than an iPhone.
To bad it's easy to say that articles like this show nothing but spite and envy. Makes you really look bad.
This iphone mania reminds me of a bunch of adolescent girls descending on a fashion store touting a newly introduced shiny "must-have" item.
It doesn't matter if the item doesn't fit right, causing blisters, or that it seems to be a magnet for dirt, or that it can't be easily cleaned. Since it's a "must-have" item, it can't be questioned, or the purchase event delayed.
I do question the sanity of apple buyers, similarly to those who go out to town in $1,000 "big brand" shoes, and return in $2 flippers after the fashionable item blistered up their feet.
In Apple's case, "everyone" has known that the company places form over function. And far from addressing the issue, their RF side has gotten progressively worse as they have introduced newer models. At this rate, I expect that the iphone5 will offer smoke and light signals as backup communication methods.
Serves them right.
Apple collecting, sharing iPhone users' precise locations
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/technology/2010/06/apple-location-privacy-iphone-ipad.html
@ sulis
I am not sure I see the validity of your reasoning process.
"People are still buying...the Iphone4...".
Apple is making lots of money. Therefore I should also buy an Iphone 4.
Similar to:
Lots of sheep are jumping to their death off of a cliff.
I am a sheep.
Therefore I should also jump to my death off of a cliff.
Actually, the exposed antenna of the Iphone 4 might actually be dangerous in terms of RF exposure (look up "inverse square law"), so this analogy might be pretty appropriate.
Green kool-aid ... apple flavored ...
http://www.apple.com/pr/library/2010/07/02appleletter.html
Besides the graphical fix (which we all know is all that is needed to ensure that everything is okay), I'm pretty convinced they will:
1) up the juice to the antenna so it gives you a tumor quicker than jobs can get another liver transplant.
2) work out a way to switch one or the other antenna when a loss of signal strength is detected.
damn ... just need a manufacturer to make a sexier Android phone now ...
written on a MacBook Pro (seriously)
Let me tell you what is Fail Lawrence. Starting a Post with the word "Epic" is Fail. The iPhone 4 is a great phone, it works well, reception is great, and I have a sneaking suspicion you are a white supremacist... should we call homeland security on you?
Post-decision cognitive dissonance could explain the "positive" results from some Iphone 4 users, reasoned as followed:
1) "I spent/committed to spend $600 or more on this shiny new Iphone4, and may have paid a further premium just to 'upgrade' from my previous phone".
2) "The Iphone 4 has many problems...many more problems than my previous phone".
3) "Only a fool would spend so much to 'upgrade' to a defective phone".
4) "Apple is ignoring these many problems, and offering no meaningful solution to most of them except to demand still more money for a 'bumper case'".
4) "Therefore, I will also pretend that this phone is wonderful and perfect just as Saint Steven say it is, and buy the 'wonderful and perfect' bumper case, allowing me to at least make some calls, resolving my mental conflict".
Problem solved.
Lawrence of Latifia keeps getting better and better :-)
And for Tim McCoy will quote Einstein:
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
So,i expect those 2 million to increase rapidly :-)
I think that article is good. Is objective with lot of sarcasm. Making little bit of fun of the "perfect" company which makes "perfect" products. But fanboys are the loudest here. They act like drug addicted people when you start discussing with them why drugs are bad and why are good. Addicted person will always fight for it's belief he/she has and will not accept different point of view. I'm not apple hater but i think i wont buy another apple product anymore. Last time i did it i felt like betrayed donkey.
Apple has sold about 2 million iPhone 4's in the less than two weeks since its introduction.
Even with all the negative hype about the new antennae, over 99% of iPhone 4 owners report better reception than with their previous smart phones, including previous iPhones. (No Verizon/ATT/Nextel, etc. comparisons.)
And every review of the actual product by impartial third parties shows the iPhone to be a superior product both against the competition and previous versions of the iPhone.
And no, you still can't do porn for the iPhone.
For that you have to stick with a Droid phone.
Yup I am sure apple is failing, they are getting truck loads of money. Truck loads of money = Fail. I'm starting to think Lawrence Latif = Fail. I should know better the inquirer has been going down hill for years now. It would be nice if you guys would cover other phones other then apple's. You're apples best friends, everyday there is an apple article.
I got a new approach for you, if you hate apple so much which I am starting to think you don't. You should start showing how great HTC and Samsung android phones are. They deserve more credit then you are giving them. At least more press come on. Seems like you are in love with apple love hate relationship. Even your INQ poll is an apple one. It's like hello there are other phones then apple out there. Why don't you guys take a look!
It's obviously incredibly frustrating for all you at The Inq that people are still buying and loving the iPhone 4. The fools! Don't they realise how crap it is? They must have been hypnotised, or befuddled by RDF, or... or... or just be REALLY STUPID. Yeah, that's it. Everyone who buys an iPhone 4 is REALLY STUPID. I mean, there's no other possible explanation, is there?