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Intel dishes laptops out to its own staff at annual quiz

Sex, lies and netbooks
Thu Dec 02 2010, 11:50

THERE WERE CALLS FOR BLOOD at Intel's annual "Quiz [sic] Night" after Chipzilla produced a shameless display of favouritism in front of the UK press.

Your battle hardened hacks from The INQUIRER have witnessed many an injustice, such as Frank Lampard's disallowed goal in the World Cup and Jedward's dismissal from X Factor, but nothing prepared us for the charlatan behaviour of Intel.

The INQUIRER, along with the not so great and good of the UK tech press, worked tirelessly to uphold the integrity of quiz nights, however it was left to Intel's underhanded tactics to debase the sanctity of quizes everywhere.

Ten or so teams made the running but the reality was there were only two that ever stood a chance, not that one would realise this at the half way point. After three gruelling rounds, The INQUIRER team was in a very creditable joint second place, one point behind the leaders.

A quick scan across the bar quickly revealed this was merely a false dawn. Our beady eyes spotted the PC Pro and Eweek teams sporting Intel representatives as team members. Well the result was decided, regardless of the fact that both teams were nearly 10 points behind the leaders. Still with a bulldog spirit The INQUIRER bravely fought on to preserve all that is just and right.

Alas our worldly knowledge let us down during the final round with questions solely related to Intel. The INQUIRER prides itself on its intimate knowledge of alcoholic beverage prices all over the world, however Intel's marketing is something we don't pay much attention to, but we suspect that Chipzilla's marketing ringers that were on both PC Pro's and Eweek's teams do.

So it was no surprise that both teams managed to overhaul not only The INQUIRER's points lead but others who were significantly ahead with two rounds to go. That in itself wouldn't be too surprising, but The INQUIRER played a blinder despite our lack of Intel knowledge and managed to get most of the questions right. Our conspiracy theories became reality when one member of the PC Pro team told The INQUIRER that they couldn't work out how their team had won with the number of incorrect answers that were tendered. We certainly had a few ideas.

We were all left blaming our fearless news editor, Rob Coppinger, for not following the lead of his counterpart on a monthly rag and pumping the Intel UK PR representative hard enough. He informs us that he will thrust himself onto the matter immediately.

So the night ended with Intel awarding two of its own staff with laptops and netbooks, perhaps as a Christmas bonus or a fee for selling out. Never has so many been swindled out of so little by so few.

It was left for us to ponder, just what would Bob Holness make of all this? µ


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